Influence as a Double-Edged Sword

When we talk about influence, our minds often go immediately to the darker side of the story: cult leaders, dictators, propaganda machines, and social media algorithms designed to keep us hooked and outraged. Influence seems like a shadow looming over our autonomy, a force to resist if we want to preserve our freedom.

But influence itself is not inherently evil. It is a tool, a current that can carry us toward destruction or toward growth. The question is not whether we will be influenced — we will. The real question is by what, and toward what end?

“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.” — Epictetus

The invitation, then, is to flip the script. Instead of merely defending against manipulation, what if we learned to use the same principles of influence to our advantage? Not to exploit others, but to reshape ourselves. Influence, rightly harnessed, can be a tutor rather than a tyrant.

I’ve found this in my own life. When I scroll through my social media feed, it doesn’t look like the typical mix of outrage, politics, and culture wars. It’s mostly stoic quotes, a few positive reflections, and yes — an unreasonable number of cat videos. That’s intentional. I know the algorithms will shape my thoughts whether I like it or not, so I’ve curated them to give me daily nudges toward perspective, humor, and calm. What could have been a drain on my mental energy has become a quiet source of encouragement.

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

The thesis of this post is simple: everything you read, watch, listen to, and surround yourself with is shaping you — often in ways you barely notice. You can either ignore this and drift wherever the currents take you, or you can become intentional about the influences you allow in your life, stacking the deck in favor of growth, resilience, and flourishing.

The Marginal Gains of Influence

There’s a theory in sports training called marginal performance gains. Instead of searching for one dramatic breakthrough, athletes look for dozens of tiny improvements — a half-percent here, one percent there — knowing that together they add up to something game-changing. The same principle applies to influence. Every small input matters, and the cumulative effect is far greater than the sum of its parts.

Each article you skim, each video you watch, each conversation you hold — all of it leaves residue. Some of it builds resilience and focus, while some of it corrodes your patience, empathy, or clarity. If you believe in the old programming maxim “garbage in, garbage out,” then you already understand the stakes. What you take in becomes the raw material for who you are becoming.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Aristotle

Think of your mind as a garden. Neglect it, and weeds will find their way in uninvited. But plant with intention — stoic wisdom, beauty, humor, encouragement — and you’ll see a harvest. This doesn’t mean avoiding all challenge or friction, but it does mean being deliberate about what you allow to take root. Even small adjustments can be transformative over time.

In my own case, I’ve seen this in how I use social media. A feed full of political shouting matches left me drained, so I shifted toward voices that encourage reflection, quotes that remind me of perspective, and accounts that sprinkle in light-heartedness. Yes, I do unfollow people who only post negative content, or I skim past it so the algorithm gradually shows me less of that type of thing. It didn’t revolutionize my life overnight, but it tilted the scales just enough to reduce stress and refocus my attention on what really matters.

“Little by little, one travels far.” — J.R.R. Tolkien

Marginal gains are subtle, but they accumulate. The choice is whether you will let those small influences work against you or whether you’ll recruit them as allies in the person you want to become.

The Psychology of Positive Influence

Why does influence work so powerfully on us? Part of the answer lies in how our brains are wired. Daniel Kahneman describes two modes of thinking: System 1 and System 2. System 1 is fast, emotional, and automatic — it helps us survive but also makes us vulnerable to manipulation. System 2 is slow, deliberate, and effortful — it allows us to analyze, question, and choose with intention.

When we’re bombarded with urgent headlines, outrage posts, or fear-driven messages, System 1 leaps into action and overrides our reflective judgment. That’s why social media thrives on negativity — it bypasses our defenses and pulls us in. But if we intentionally curate our inputs, we create space for System 2 to operate. In other words, choosing our influences well is not just about avoiding bad information; it’s about protecting the mental bandwidth required for clear thinking.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl

Cognitive biases also play a role. Confirmation bias makes us more likely to believe things that reinforce what we already think. Negativity bias ensures that one harsh comment can outweigh a dozen kind ones. Social proof nudges us to go along with the crowd. Influence exploits these tendencies — but awareness gives us leverage. If we know these shortcuts exist, we can design our environment to counteract them: surrounding ourselves with messages that expand perspective rather than shrink it, voices that challenge without destroying, communities that elevate rather than divide.

“You must unlearn what you have learned.” — Yoda

The takeaway is simple: your mind is not a fortress but a sponge. It will soak up what you give it. If you don’t control the flow, someone else will. Positive influence isn’t about blind optimism; it’s about giving your best self the conditions it needs to grow.

Choosing Your Influences Wisely

If everything influences you, then discernment becomes a survival skill. The wisdom traditions have been telling us this for millennia. The Psalms warn us not to “walk in the counsel of the wicked,” and Proverbs reminds us that “whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” These aren’t just pious sayings; they’re psychological truths. Who you spend time with will shape who you become.

The same applies to media. Watching only Fox or only MSNBC will not give you reality — it will give you a version of reality, carefully curated to reinforce particular emotions and biases. If you care about truth, you’ll either seek out more balanced sources or commit to hearing both sides. But if you let partisanship dominate your media diet, don’t be surprised when it starts to dominate your mind as well.

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

Music, art, and entertainment are not neutral either. The songs you loop, the shows you binge, the stories you absorb — they all train your imagination and emotional reflexes. Garbage in, garbage out. But it works in the other direction, too: thoughtful art, uplifting music, and challenging stories can all act as scaffolding for a stronger, more resilient self.

I’ve experienced this tension firsthand. I love the sound of Pharrell Williams’ song Happy. It’s upbeat, catchy, and nearly impossible not to smile when it plays. On the surface, it feels like a positive influence. Yet when I paid attention to the lyrics, I noticed something troubling: the refrain “happiness is the truth.” That line is not just wrong — it’s dangerous. Truth does not always make us happy. In fact, the most necessary truths are often uncomfortable. To equate happiness with truth is to risk blinding ourselves to the hard realities we need to face. The music makes me feel good, but the message requires discernment.

And then there’s the company you keep. The people you spend time with will rub off on you whether you want them to or not. Choose friends whose character and habits you want to mirror, and avoid those who consistently pull you in the wrong direction. Your parents probably warned you about hanging out with the “bad seed” at school — and they were right. Peer influence is subtle but powerful, shaping not only your choices but also your standards for what feels normal. Don’t walk in the way of sinners; walk with those whose example draws you upward.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” — Jim Rohn

Choosing influences wisely isn’t about living in a bubble. It’s about building an environment where growth is more likely than decay, where your habits align with the person you want to become.

Self-Influence and Inner Leadership

So far, we’ve talked about the influences around you — media, music, friends, and community. But there’s another layer we often overlook: the influence you exert on yourself. Every habit you form, every word of self-talk, every internal narrative is a kind of propaganda campaign you’re running in your own head.

We all know the inner critic — the voice that insists we’re not enough, that we’ll fail, that it’s safer not to try. Left unchecked, that voice can become the most destructive influence in your life. But here’s the encouraging part: you can also be your own best coach. The stories you tell yourself shape your behavior as powerfully as any external force. If you narrate your life as a story of resilience and learning, you will live into that story.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.” — Henry Ford

Self-influence requires inner leadership. It means treating yourself as someone you are responsible for guiding — not indulging every impulse, not letting emotions dictate direction, but steering toward what is ultimately good and beneficial. Sometimes that means pushing yourself into hard things: the workout you don’t feel like doing, the book that challenges you, the conversation that makes you uncomfortable but helps you grow. Positive influence isn’t always pleasant, but it is constructive.

And just as external influences accumulate in marginal gains, so do the micro-decisions you make with yourself. Choosing to journal instead of doomscroll, to speak encouragement instead of criticism, to pause and breathe instead of react in anger — these small acts of inner leadership slowly rewire the narrative you live by.

“He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” — Confucius

The bottom line is this: you can’t control every influence around you, but you can decide what kind of influence you will be to yourself. And that choice, made daily, is the foundation of personal transformation.

Practical Ways to Flip the Script

Awareness of influence is only the first step; the next is to put it to work. Here are some practical ways to flip the script so influence becomes a tool for growth rather than a trap.

Curate your digital diet. Unfollow accounts that thrive on outrage or cynicism. Follow voices that inspire, educate, and encourage. Algorithms feed on your attention — starve the negative and nourish the positive.

Audit your circle. Spend more time with people whose habits and values you want to adopt. Limit time with those who drag you toward bitterness, drama, or apathy. The company you keep is one of the most powerful shapers of your future.

“Bad company corrupts good character.” — 1 Corinthians 15:33

Replace doomscrolling with micro-learning. Trade 15 minutes of endless scrolling for an online class, a skill-building video, or a podcast that expands your perspective. Small swaps compound over time.

Use music and stories wisely. Let songs, shows, and books feed not just your emotions but your vision for life. Ask, Does this lift me or shrink me? Enjoy entertainment, but don’t be passive about its influence.

Practice digital fasting. Take breaks from news cycles or social media. Give your System 2 time to breathe and reset. Space creates clarity.

Craft your self-talk. Speak to yourself as you would to a friend you’re coaching toward growth. Encouragement, patience, and honesty go further than harsh criticism.

“What you feed your mind will lead your life.”

Flipping the script isn’t about perfection. It’s about tilting the balance. Every small adjustment you make — what you click, what you watch, who you call, how you talk to yourself — is a marginal gain that shapes the person you are becoming.

The River and the Rock

Think of your life as a jagged stone. At first glance, the sharp edges seem permanent — flaws of character, unhealthy habits, ingrained biases. But place that rock in a flowing river, and something subtle begins to happen. The water and sand, carried by motion, slowly smooth the surface. Not in a day, not in a year, but through the relentless accumulation of tiny interactions.

“Nothing that is rushed is ever strong. Things that grow slowly endure.” — Seneca

This is what influence does when directed wisely. Each book you read, each conversation you choose, each habit you repeat is like one small molecule brushing against the edges of your life. Over time, those small touches reshape you. The key is motion. A rock sitting in still water will remain jagged forever. In the same way, if you stand still in life — if you refuse new input, new practice, new community — the rough edges remain.

“Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.” — Ovid

The river of influence, chosen well, is your ally. Step into its current. Let the flow of positive influences wear away what is harmful, while shaping you into someone smoother, stronger, and more capable of reflecting light.

Becoming Your Own Influence Architect

Influence is not optional. Every headline you read, every conversation you have, every song you let echo in your mind is shaping you in ways you often don’t notice. You can drift along and let those influences mold you by accident, or you can become intentional — the architect of your own environment.

To do so is to flip the script. What is usually seen as a threat becomes a tool. The same mechanisms that cult leaders, politicians, or advertisers use to sway people can be repurposed for your own flourishing. You are not powerless. You can design your inputs, choose your community, and craft your inner dialogue to nudge yourself toward wisdom, resilience, and growth.

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” — Samuel Johnson

Of course, positive influence won’t always feel pleasant. Sometimes it comes in the form of a hard truth, a difficult workout, or a mentor who challenges your comfort zone. But these influences build rather than erode; they train you for strength rather than dependency. The goal isn’t happiness at every moment, but growth into a self that can withstand storms and shine in them.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

So take stock. Audit your influences. Be ruthless about what tears you down, and generous in feeding what builds you up. Every small decision adds to the architecture of your future self. Make sure the blueprint is yours — and that it points toward the person you were meant to become.

Reflection

• What are three influences in your daily life (social media, friends, music, news, etc.) that shape you more than you realized?
• Which one of those could you replace this week with a more positive alternative?
• How do you currently influence yourself through habits and self-talk — and what small shift could you make to be your own best coach?

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Excerpt

Influence isn’t just something to resist — it’s something to harness. Every book, song, and friendship shapes who you are becoming. By flipping the script and curating your influences, you can turn subtle forces into allies for growth, resilience, and spiritual formation. Be your own influence architect.